Need to vent out...  

Posted by Fighter

My body is itching to get into Muay Thai (Thai Kickboxing). Just itching to feel the pain that I feel, when I round kick the leather bag or the trainer's leather pads. Started Muay Thai as a curious hobby. Soon it developed into a passion and a wonderful vent to let out frustration.

When your day is slow and you just want to kick start it, there is no better way than to mindlessly keep kicking the bag. Your shin burns with pain every time you kick, but you just keep on kicking hoping to numb your shin with pain within three minutes. That is it, no better feeling than a completely exhausted man with his shin burning with pain.
It is the kind of satisfaction you get when you feel that you have given it your best and you have nothing left.

Been a month and a half since my back operation. (Nothing related to the spinal cord, just an infection.) But with the stitches, can't take any chances. Probably a month or more of no physical activity. For someone like me, who loves physical activity, this is a huge ask.

Researching B-Schools sitting in front of the computer, hours together, is mind numbing. Just want a way to vent it all out.

My GMAT journey  

Posted by Fighter

I have already finished taking my GMAT in 2006 and scored good.

I am pasting my GMAT blog post from my personal blog.

GMAT…the journey that taught me the attitude

Hmm…one week after scoring a 720. Was too busy last week, doin all the stuff that I was postponing from the last 2 months. Gotta myriad of things to do..including cing movies like Rang de basanthi, Bommarillu, going to Dallas , callin up some old gold India , reading some gud buks..tht I’ve been postponing…the list is pretty long…….

GMAT , ….that was something I wanted to write..from a year back. In the 1st sem, over here, studies didn’t go too well for me, squeezed a 2.5 GPA. Was never good at perfect academics. Was feeling down. The only things that I am really good at are projects n some creative stuff..where I’m damn independent. I just wanted to strike out a knockout punch n prove people that I’m not such a dumb head. I gotta bit of brain. Went to sis’s place for the Christmas vacation, had a great time..but the confidence was never really up. Every time I spoke about career and stuff with Jiju, jus luking bk at my acads..made me sulk. “ Am I gonna go anywhere with my below average brain”.

One night, was just switching channels, watching some usual crap on the idiot box, when Jiju..casually asked, “ Why don’t you try writing GMAT”. That set some thinking bells ringing that night. The idea looked like a bright window at the far end of the tunnel. Kept thinking all night, Yeah, I could beat the GMAT, not easy, but certainly one of my strong points. Hahaha….the next morning.. I was at full flow. At least could see an opening to excel and snatch back my confidence, without which I’m nothing. Some people put it as “A confused soul, doesn’t know what he is doing….and where he wants to go..”

Selected the right intern position, where I would have plenty of time to allot to GMAT. Had only one aim…the peak..780. Started seriously in June, started gaining pace, and by mid august..reached my peak. But then had a burn out. Didn’t touch the books for a weekend. And from then on, repelled the books so much that, I just stacked them away. Had a lot of fun. Was working as the treasurer for the Indian community at the university. So was a bit busy with that during the independence day. Then went to over to Dallas for a get together. Had a lot of fun, completely put the GMAT out of my mind.

Came back on a Sunday night, and before sleeping started thinking about my career. After some calculations realized that this golden time’s not gonna come again. Got up from bed in the middle of the night, did some simple math and decided on exactly 60 more days of preparation and booked a date. The date was set, the battle begun and every day counted.

Cut out all the irrelevant stuff out of my life, at least till the GOAL. Cut down on my workout in GYM. Just played racquetball, and went for a swim in the evenings. Stopped going to Fayetteville for the weekends. Had to stop calling up friends and chatting for long hours.

Things were going well. Then took a sample test one weekend. Expected a superb score, but that was a dull thud. Scored around 650. This was just one month before the exam. Was at the peak of my frustration. Was completely pissed off. Started scowling at myself..just outside the library..and on my drive back home

This was all because I had still continued a small leeway, for other activities..spending some time for irrelevant stuff. Sat down that evening. Just tryin to find a way out. I had to get a 700+. That was the only aim. I had to make my brain super fast, in 30 days.

It was more like being the coach of Kenya and wanting to win the world cup. What can the coach do. The team doesn’t have the talent to win it. But if he seriously wants to win it, what’s gonna happen…frustration……everything around him makes him irritated..he wants a way out…… Upon more thinking found the belief…


Being alone made matters even worse. I guess, that is the main reason, you hear of so many psychos in US. Called up Dad and informed him that I was going to take my GMAT. He was glad and asked me, what score I was expecting. I blurted out “ 700+ ”.

Ok, and this was the first thing he said, still remem his words vividly

“ nee mokham vasthadhi………”

I just stayed calm and said “ R u gonna bet”

Dad said “ Chal I’m pretty confident that you are over confident, emi kaavali cheppu ra, If u can get more than 700+, I’m gonna give you whatever you ask for, the sky is the limit” ( knowing the measured approach that dad usually has, this was Extravagant)

“But remem, if U r gonna lose, U gotto gimme anything that I ask for.”

This was tough. Dad has the knack of striking very clever deals. You never know, what’s he gonna ask for…. Dad’s damn cool, but if you challenge him, he is the toughest.

Had a deep breath, had no thought of a second answer. Just said “ hmmm……..Yes”

K after a couple of hours settled down. Kept my calm. What was my goal now? To make my brain work faster in 30 days. Is that really possible…..?? Didn’t really have an option……. ..but just to believe that I could….

Moved on to meditation. Started googling some videos about meditation. Read some stuff on the basics. Concluded that, I had to conserve my energy. Was doing a lot of rubbish through out the day. Was watching some videos while havin dinner, was reading some news in the office, was orkutting a bit, was chatting on yahoo…..

All these trivia, just take very less of my time, but I have one of the poorest concentration power, I jus keep thinking of all the stuff, long afterwards. If an old friend reminded me of some incident, I would start thinking..when did that happen, what happened after that..who was she…all related stuff.

So the only way out was, “CUT THE CRAP”. Uninstalled messenger, kept restrictions on orkut, no blogging, …etc. It was difficult in the beginning. Stopped listening to any kind of music, coz I just keep humming the music tht I’ve heard, all day long….

Thoughts are like weeds that grow randomly in the brain. Without knowing, I used to subconsciously start thinking about something; an experience with old friends, some family stuff…or whatever and when I consciously realize that my thoughts are deviating from my goal, I nipped them. And with more and more practice of picking out thoughts at the bud and nipping them, the whole process got imbibed in me such that, I started sub consciously nipping out thoughts, without me even realizing that I was nipping them out. Very soon I had a whole fertile field to myself, now I could grow in my brain, only stuff that I needed to. Without worrying about weeding away unnecessary thoughts that take up most of my processor speed.

Now my brain was empty most part of the day, filled up my can with only stuff that I needed to. Setup my schedule for the next 4 weeks, and started my preparation. Things were going on well. Weekends were really boring. Coz of all the cut down on all activities, and all my frns goin to the university town for the weekend, I was really bored. Was feeling like a real psycho, just staying alone for 2 days, with nothing to do other than studying, no chatting, no callin up friends, no browsing….n whatever. Just would go out for a drive, park the car in an open land. Would sit on the bonnet and just stare into openness…. that was bliss.

GMAT was a question of personal satisfaction to me . I don’t really care, if any school would gimme an admission. I had a point to prove to myself. And that is the only thing I would really fight out of my skin for.…

The D-Day….I was unusually calm. I guess it was bcoz of the meditation. No thoughts came into my mind. Was just feeling like an open farm, swaying to the breeze.

Messed up my exam a bit. Saw the time wrong during a break and took an extra 3 minutes. Thanks to that, I had to run through 7 questions to catch up with my schedule. Then got stuck up in an other very easy q, I cudnt get the right answer, coz in my hurry was writing the details very vaguely and had to solve the same q thrice..and the last time saw my silly mistake. Spent a princely 6 minutes for this silly q and had to guess the last 5 qs. I concluded that I had screwed up my quant royally. But just went into the verbal with a fresh mind. Same problem of time mismanagement.

Finished the test. The computer was taking some time to display my score. Suddenly my dad’s face popped up in my thoughts and just got a thought, “what If I lost…???” , mann……the consequences were too bitter for me, to continue thinking about that…

Score displayed a 720 96 percentile…

Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwww…..I didn’t expect this, after my royal screwing…

Just came out. Wanted to hug someone tight. This was the time when I really missed my loved ones….…was excited. The first thing I did while I was even in the lift was,………. Called up dad’s mobile. He had already slept. Tried thrice, but no response. Then called up jiju and shared the joy..with jiju and sis. Came out..and called up everyone…after an hour and a half of calls. Came over n shared the news with Andy (boss). Mann….he was damn excited. He was very happy for me. I was just waiting for 7:00 pm (IST 6:30 am) to call up Dad…

I had a racquetball league match that evening with Reed Whitson. Usually I go well prepared for a match, just in case the opponent gives me a rude shock. Won the match the previous week 15-7 and 15-1 against Patty Bailey. So, just started this match, without planning anything. My mind still didn’t reach the ground level. Without me even realizing, Reed made me run all corners of the court. I was exhausted, hungry, brain was empty, and didn’t know what I was doing.

Coz I beat Charlie 15-0 and 15-1; and Charlie defeated Reed in one match, this should have been a no contest for me. But the score was 7-7. Sagar called me out for a TIME OUT and was shouting something at me, pointing out his weak points, and asking me to apply some brain and exploit his weaknesses. I was just staring at the watch, 45 mins more to call up Dad. Then luckily clawed my way to a 15-13 win. The second match, I was almost brain dead. Clawed and clawed up to win the match at 16-14. Was dead tired an all beaten up. It was like a victory more for Reed than for me…whatever..

Looking back now, that was the worst match of the league for me. My previous wins in the league were 15-1, 15-0 with Charlie; 15-3, 15-1 with Staci and 15-7, 15-1 with Patty.

Had a steam bath and drove home, called up Dad and this was the conversation..

Me: Dadda,…mmmm… screwed up my GMAT daddaa..just scored a 620..mmm

Dad: I don’t believe that.

Me: Yeah, dad..had some problems with my timing…couldn’t manage that. I will give GMAT again in a month. No need to worry…

Dad: (silence)..hmmm….mmm.(a deep breath..)

I guess he was a bit disappointed with the score..

Me: Daddddddddaaaaaaaaaaa 720 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dad: (took a second to sink in) ..WWWHHOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

( a natural exclamation out of this world…without even thinking what he was saying……so shocked was he..)

Dad: Conggggraaaats raa……err…hahaha….mann, this is….er.. Unbelievable for me….(cud sense, that he was almost choking…)

Dad: Now I owe u 2 wishes, I’m so glad.. ……

(the earlier wish was for toefl, where one of his frn’s daughter, who was a study geek, scored a 250 and Dad asked me to score atleast a 240. I challenged 270, dad was still not confident and the bet was set at 260…Won that…)

Dad: What is Stanford’s mean…..and what is ISB’s mean…

Me: Stanford’s mean is 710 and ISB’s is 706… doesn’t mean that I can get into them. Gotto to do a lot in the next 2 yrs…

Dad: I still cant believe it ra…I’m damn excited….

……………………and the usual stuff continued with everyone at home….

Praneeth called up…

Me: maamu…got a 720 in GMAT…

Prane: Screw youuuuuuu………..Chi chi chi chi….endhi raa aa score…galeez ga…mottham karab ayipoyinav ra…chi chi chi chi….720 enti raa…. Siggu anipisthaledhaa atla score thechukovadaniki……( are u not ashamed of your score..)

Akhele undi..anni pagal panulu chesthunnav…..assalu GMAT evadu rayamannadu.. (who asked you to write GMAT, being alone..u r doin all stupid things..)

Yashwanth: neeku anni ekkuvayinayi raa ee madhya…choosthunna…..

( I’ve been observing…ur doing a lot over these days…..)

Hyder’s (my HPS cheddi dhosth) was the most funny one…

Hyder: CONGRATS mama…good to hear that ………..Anyways happy to see that the worst guy in our grp( worst in the sense..we never thought u would clear tenth) is moving ahead…lol
Just kidding…I like teasing u..remember in school we used to tease each other like hell in the dining hall…(unfortunately was always seated beside him ….in the dining hall)

(It’s real fun when old gold frns..treat u the same..n send ur ego crashin…)

I was satisfied with my performance. That was the only thing I really cared for at the end. But, thanks to GMAT, more than the Goal, the journey taught me a lot of things. The attitude needed to beat a challenge…

Just read a philosophy of Ricky Ponting in some business management article..

“Whatever it is that you do in life, you will only get out of it what you are willing to put in”

….truly golden words

Looking back, the same philosophy has been proved right to me time and again………

Now gonna leisurely enjoy my last two months of disciplining my mind, no abstaining from anything…, no nipping my thoughts, jus njoiiiiiiiiiiii……as usual ……bindaaass Raghav…

K K now gotto read “Get Anyone to Do Anything” ….that book’s been staring at me from 2 months…


Posted by Fighter

I have a dilemma right now.

In the next three months I have an option of studying hard and gaining the "Personal Trainer Certification" from AFAA,(I have always wanted this) or do some NGO stuff.

Which option do you think would increase my chances of an admit?

Intro.... not very dramatic though..  

Posted by Fighter

I have wasted two hours on just deciding the name of this blog and the caption.

I wanted to encapsulate my whole self in the title and hence the unusual amount of time. Another doubt that has crept in is that if I had so much confusion on just deciding what I am, then imagine the time I will spend on presenting myself in my essays.

The seed for my MBA was sown in the Spring of 2006. Since then I have been walking all the miles to this destination. Here I am in the vicinity of my application process. I will be applying in Fall 2010

My common approach to any challenge has been to distance myself from everything else and just focus on the challenge. I have very little RAM in my head and cannot run too many processes simultaneously.

I will document my journey as it goes and hope, believe, pray.... that I end this journey at my dream school "INSEAD"

Enough for today...